Friday, September 15, 2006

i am sick.

n no less then 6 ppl on msn commented how rare it is to see me online in the middle of the day. coz my routine tis hol has been to wake up at noon, hit town or any other shopping centre n coming hm hopefully, before 11 pm.

11 pm coz i'm already pushing curfew. sian.. kinda feel tt 'home' = hotel. i check in then check out as i pls. sad to admit it but i kinda feel i only tok to mommy when i need more $ n to ask for permission to go out. actually, now tt my allowance is giro-ed into my acc, n tt i no longer ask for permission - i merely notify if i'm going out, i barely even tok to her anymore. n tts a sad sad thing.

i laughed at how bri naively proclaimed to mommy, "i will hold ur hand even when i'm 18!" but i guess, juz the wrds itself touched her. no matter how ludicrous it may sound to me at 18, i noe right inside, she wished we nv grew up, n forever stay mommy's little princess. like when she comes into my rm late at nite to juz sit at the bottom of my bed n watch me slp, prob wishing time wld stop. the earth wld stop spinning n ppl wld stop living their lives.

if it was anyone else, i'll prob be freaked. but tts my mother. the one tt carried me for 9 mths, fed n dressed me. the one who will love me come wat may. the one who tries to connect wif me but is turned away time n again frm an angsty teen. gosh, i feel like the world's biggest meanie.

she nv fails to rmbr my bdae. my tuition times, my fav food, my everything. n yet, i only noe how to complain, complain n complain somemore. aww shucks.

dear mommy,
i love u. i'm sorry for all the times i've hurt u.
love, ur daughter.

anyway, i'm going out again. as usual, my sms went, "i stayed hm the whole of today le. going out for dinner. cya tonight." i love my parents. i really do. but it juz doesn't seem to show. tsk tsk.