Friday, October 28, 2005

ok. aft the lala mood i'm in bcoz of my bdae, i'm sorry but i bring depressing news (unless u absolutely hate me n can't wait to see me leave.) i'm leaving mj n going to poly.

i noe i managed to advance. i noe its a priviledge many others dun hv. i noe its the most direct n fastest route into uni. but i've made up my mind. n i'm too stubborn to change it. first let me recount all tt happened..

yesterday when i received ms sue's call, i knew i did not promote but was only lucky enough to advance which although still means i can go into yr2, it means tt i passed only based on gd conduct n teacher's comments of gd behavoir n not bcoz of meeting the basic merit requirements. so chances r, i wun make it nxt yr n i can't risk wasting 2yrs which roughly translates to 3% of my life if i live to 75yrs old.

had a talk wif ms sue: "u shld noe by now tt being in a jc means no social life. judging frm ur situation now, shld u choose to stay, it means negative social life. r u prepared?" n jo who said:"u shld stay. at least here, u'll be fighting a demon u already noe as opposed to starting a fresh n fighting brand new demons." n bee:"failure is not abt falling but its abt not knowing how to stand up aft a fall." started crying outside c3-1 n although i saw my cute guy coming out of the toilet, i was in no mood to actually admire - it was only today tt i finally realised, i've spent my entire time doing unnecessary stuff like boy-watching. left to go on a somewat cls outing to heartland mall for mac. met wilfred n xiao yan frm srjc.. couldn't go wif rf, kavi, yuvan, sam n euo to little india as mommy has an appt wif ms sue at 3.30.

came back, waited for ms sue to go through slides n discovering she has a bad sense of punctuality making us wait 40min but wat to do, we needed her help. went wif earth to see mr chua who evaluated our options now n he expressed shock tt i prob wasn't going to stay but i cld still sense relief in his tone "statistically, students who barely scrapped through wun do better then an av of Ds during their As." watched helplessly as i saw earth cry. for someone as strong as her to cry made me fall back to reality tt mayb, i juz wasn't suited for tis kinda lifestyle.

mommy met ms sue n mr chua n somehow mr koh. ms sue said:"to prevent her frm floating, the best way is to seal off one option." now, i've ended up wif a withdrawal form n instructions to research more on poly courses. of course, i need to go for chi As n complete my pw so as to tie up all my loose ends. as daddy said, "take it as a lesson learnt. it does not matter." so i guess i'll go poly afterall.

as for ppl childish enough to ostracize me juz bcoz i had the guts to go try out a jc system, i can't be bothered wif u. its my future i've to ultimately look aft. besides, as many hv pointed out, there will be others who drop out frm jc of those frm normal acad tt go poly. these ppl will be the same age as i am so there's nothing to be ashamed abt. or so i hope. but life is all abt changes n risk. tis is juz my first step in my new yr.

dun be upset. tis process has made me more matured n helped me noe tt my actions will lead to consequences i've to carry for life. i've nv regretted coming into mj. i'll nv will.

p.s. (mayb, juz mayb, u're the only one who can make me change my mind n stay but i guess u dunno. n u prob will nv noe.) - tis is not my eye-candy but i wun tell so dun ask.