Thursday, September 29, 2005

i noe i promised i shldn't be here but yeah, juz to mention something... i read in yesterday's new paper where teacher's sneak into their student's blogs to see wat they write abt them. its like pls lah, if u really so despo to hear wat we say abt u, juz go into any toilet. i dunno abt guys but gals do bitch abt their 'mentors' in the nice-smelling haven wif all the mirrors called the "loo". [oh, i forgot tt they hv their own staff toilet complete wif air fresheners n potted plants - given a choice, i oso wun go to the crowded n stinky n sometimes no toilet paper de "toilet for the masses"..] =( well, they hv to somehow deter us frm going toilet during cls ba...

i noe a while back i wrote abt my unhappy encounter wif my math teacher but i wun revoke tt entry as i believe i've a right to air my views. as mentioned in tt article i read yesterday, sch's can punish students who criticize their teachers but teacher's do criticize students in the staff-room n to our dear parents too. so why only target us? we're only trying to release some tension caused my the edu system n not in turn channel tis anger into being some serial muderers (mayb tis example is abit extreme, but yeah..) besides, i dun tink tt particular teacher noes how to use a com honestly. but if she gets offended, i'm really sorry, i hope u dun sue. =P n there r some teachers i hv come across who rock bigtime...

yes, one shld hv enough sense to practise self-censorship on such public forums tts why, i've checked myself n not include any f-words or such. n nv did i comment on things tt will cause a public outcry or racial tension. (ps. i've close frens who r malays n indians who i love v much.)

n after reading m4m in lit lessons, i tink i'm like claudio as mag so kindly put it. everyone pon but i'm the only one to get into trouble for it. its like being used to set an example. well, me, earth n an ee at least. its cool how sometimes wat u learn in class can hv significance in ur day-to-day life too. haha. well, signing off now.

oh btw, happy 17th bdae ting. n happy 16th bdae edwin (if khang jing nv remind me wrongly..) love u guys loads. =D

juz my ramblings, no offence. i want world peace!! (n i dun wanna get suspended frm sch too..)

Sunday, September 25, 2005

i solemnly swear tt i wun come online till the 11th of oct - the end of my promos n hopefully, the end of my 24hr bad dreams. coz if i do, i'll get v distracted n i'll hv no one to blame but myself. frm today till then, i'll at least try to mug. for myself n for everyone i love, i muz strive to pull through. haha. until my fate is sealed, bye. =P

my life sucks 24/7.

filled with dread. god save me..
i suddenly had tis feeling when i sms bee bee... we hv become so distant. m i really losing contact with all my frens? my relationship with my family is also kinda stretched too. its like all the ppl i care abt hv moved on n like ting say, "its like i'm stagnant..." ting, sometimes, i feel even more left out then u. u really hv nothing much to fret abt coz i'm worse off. its sad. v sad. if to proceed in life, one muz leave behind wat we treasure the most, i half-wish i need not move on. really.

ps. (gotta go collect gd karma... hehe.)
sudden 'out-of-the-blue' thought: i lurve strawberries. lolx.

nightmares. headache. fearful.

my life is falling apart. i sense tis entry to be a long n draggy one but bear wif me pls. all thanks to my ct, ms sue who called my mom, mommy cancel my haach facial n new indo slimming thingy so i can hv more time wif my bks! tis is not fair... i was soo looking forward to tis. =( pls lah, the last thing i need now is a nervous breakdown bcoz of insufficient leisure n relaxation! yes, i noe i'm in tis crunch situation coz i nv start mugging earlier but now tt my academic life is trashed, muz my social life be snatched away too??

ya, everyone is concerned abt me but why can't they mind their own business? i already noe how patheic i'm w/o them having to rub it in. although mom rescheduled my appt to a day after my promos, i'm juz so irritated tt these grown-ups tink they r so damn superior to come n take over my life wif zero consideration abt how i feel abt it.

its juz days to my doom n i feel like giving up. mayb the sooner it comes, the better. tt way, i can juz get tis hell of a time overn done wif but it still sucks as part of me want more time!! i'm so tired n grouchy frm the lack of slp n of over-bearing teachers who 'care' too much tt i wanna cry. (i noe i sound v ungrateful but for once, juz once, leave my alone. i'll do wat i can, all i can to try rescue myself frm the jaws of hell.) if u can't help, bug off. dun make things worse.

go away. leave me here alone to wallow in self-pity. let me rot n die. get lost. SHOO! =(

*my life is a wreck, a big, fat mess all bcoz i over-estimated my self n made the biggest mistake of my life - to choose a jc over a poly* miserable, lost, disillusioned n deluded.

n the last thing i need is more distractions...
struggling to find myself in tis big big world. =(

Saturday, September 24, 2005

visited the orthodontist (dental specialist) today. mommy was getting worried abt my teeth grinding prob n supposedly overcrowded top jaw. personally, i tink my 'pearly whites' r ok but she says there r gaps on the bottom row of teeth n i hv a slight buck tooth.

well, the outcome was tt shld i put braces, it wld solely be for aesthetic reasons (beauty purpose) rather than cease my perpetual grinding prob which is most prob due to stress or long-term habit. haha. tis means tt i - miss terrified of pain - can fo w/o it afterall! =)

randomly speaking:
~ anger is punishing urself for someone else's mistake. - chi idiom [courtesy of ji lao shi]
~ i've been to paradise but i've nv been to me. - charlene ["i've never been to me"]
~ i wanna tell u wat i'm feeling but i don't noe how to start. - pokemon ["misty's song"]

cheers! =)

Friday, September 23, 2005

quotable quotes i've come across tis wk (juz for laughs):

1) i tink there's a direct relationship between chocs n my clothes shrinking.
2) i often feel like exercising but when tt happens, i juz lie down n wait for tt feeling to pass.
3) men - u can't live with then n u can't live w/o them. (such an irony)
4) when the world seems against u, there's always daddy.

*grins* its not much but i'm weird by nature lah.

yeah!! today's straits times front pg hv an article on public outcry abt the consumption of shark fin! haha. although i noe its quite impossible for ppl to give up eating tis 'delicacy' bcoz its associated with high status n quality taste but it doesn't change the fact tt i'm so totally against eatin it. (ps. i've not ate it since two yrs back n hv 'brainwashed' my two darling cousins - olivia n angelica into not eating it as well...) haha. its not the act of eating it but its the act of 'harvesting' these fins which irks me. if u can't see why cutting of the shark's fin n tossing the bloody, fin-less shark back into the deep blue sea, try chopping of ur hands n drowning urself in ur bathtub. (i mean it. its juz so cruel n unhumane to inflict such pain upon another living creature juz so u can makan it!)

being fin-less, the poor victim will hv no means of balancing itself without saying swim to find food. the blood frm tis wound will also attract other sea creatures into eating it alive. wat can b worst than tt? the newspaper article states tt authentic suppliers only target sharks which r not endangered but tis does not give them an excuse to cold-bloodedly rob another of their vital body parts. its like removing ur mouth so u starve to death!! its kinda sad tt although we humans hv progressed so far n yet behave so stupidly at times. its juz like wearing fur coats when cotton ones can make do.

fine, i'm overacting as said by my dear old dad n ignorant sis. both r avid fans of tis dish n tink i'm dumb not to eat it when others want to but can't afford it. well, i may not make much diff but at least i feel a tiny bit kinder. hehe. well, juz glad tt ppl r starting to b awaken to tis harsh truth.

n now i wanna bitch abt a certain math teacher frm my sch again. make my skip lunch to do her bloody sums then say i do wrong qn. please lah, her instructions not clear. say until the class cover sooo much when i pon tut then actually they only do 1 qn for every topic. it sucks lah. so obviously picking on me, yet claim she nv. she's so v lucky i dun really hv attitude n i still value my grades tt little bit tt i still put up wif her nonsense n nv walk out of her cls lah. i hate u. i hate u!!!! i dun care if u act all blur n innocent n if one of my best frens in mj keep speaking up for u. i still dun like u. bigtime man.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

wat the hell. stupid mrs quek complain to ms sue tt i pon math tut tis morn. she really irks me bigtime! its not as if she goes through stuff i dunno in cls (n i'm not being cocky lah. she doesn't even noe how to teach.) she's a nice person but she's soo naggy n long-winded like some 60 yr old ah ma. then keep picking on a few ppl. come on lah, no one pays attention during her lessons. they're juz there to give her face. cannot teach then come here waste tax-payer's $$. if it wasn't for tuition, i wld hv flunked through all the test lah. ass-hole.

then i one time nv come she go complain. go n die lah. other ppl repeated times nv come she oso dun do anything. where got tis kind of logic. yes, i noe i'm wrong to pon but my eom is due lah. its for my As, no way will i play with something so impt. yes, i shld hv done it earlier but ppl make mistakes. if she can forgive others, why me? then she hv to blow matters up so big, my tiniest bit of respect of sympathy vanished. i noe ying jie will start preaching tt its my fault n tt she had every right to report me but tt doesn't change the fact tt i hate her. hate her!!! plus the known fact tt her teaching sucks!

yes, i musn't bitch but i so totally dread seeing her bloody face now tt the only fact tt i'm attending her class is to get my A! considering i nv do her wrk, slp n tok in cls, i can still score appeases me. i noe tt sounds so ego but i score. i do. yet, she either picks on me or claims all the credit. please lah, zero, i repeat ZERO of my mrks is to her hardwork. other than her notes, nothing she does or say helps me in anyway whatsoever! my grades is mine n mine alone. =) hehe... i feel great! now u see y i simply refuse to be the ao-math rep. to her, a rep is like a slave to wipe her boards, collect her notes n boss around. well, an ee gd luck.

now i gotta go write a sorry letter to her. idiotic. (note: i wanted to swear but take it as if i'm showing her tt little respect - bcoz of her age n tt she comes frm tkgs [my sis's sch]n not coz she has any respectable quality abt her.) write then write lor if something so tacky n unsincere can make her happy is damn pathetic.

i'm sorry ying jie n all other quek fan clubbers. i juz had to get tis off my chest n at least for tis remaining weeks, dun expect me to be anything more than simply civil to her. idiot idiot idiot.

oh n damai is in band 5!! i noe its not much but it beats not being in the list at all. moreover, we're a neighbourhood sch! even the normal stream did well too! i'm so proud still coz i'm part of tt batch tt broke its highest result record. haha. ego again. hehe.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

hey, ms sue called my mom today leh. haiz... my teacher hasn't called my parents since like pri 3? tis is a disgrace lah. i noe my results suck. my attitude suck. my life suck but its now worst. doubly, triply worse. i'm v tired. really feel like giving up. i mean, i'm in my prime. i shldn't b wasting it. but like an ee say, its either i buck up is 14 days or regret for the rest of my life. poly really shldn't b an option at all (not tt i've anything against poly - many of my best frens r there. but since i made tis decision, i muz strive to live wif it. afterall, its my choices tt shape my future. haha.)

like yingjie keep singing "there can be miracles..." i hope for a miracle too. desperately need it lah. but i so suay how to experience a miracle sia. =(

exerpt of sms conversation wif my mom:-
mom: baby, ms sue called me to say u've not been putting in enough effort. i buy for u so many ref bks why u nv use? i'm sick n at hm now so can't nag u. i can only hope u noe wat u're doing.
me: i'm really sorry to hv disappointed u. i did try but i guess it wasn't hard enough. i'll juz hv to live wif the consequences. sorry again. =(
(waited for a long time...)
mom: no dear, u didn't disappoint me. but at least promise u'll try? it u can't make it, we'll juz find some other way out. mayb jc is juz not suitable for u.
me: thanks for everything. i shld b leaving le. juz need to collect my eom. cya soon.
mom: do u need me to fetch??
me: no need lah. sch so near hm only. u're sick so dun run around. take care.
mom: take care dear. cya soon. loving u.

gosh, when i'm copying tis, my mom suddenly dun seem tt much of a tyrant afterall. considering she nv even chide me!! haha. but i mustn't step over the line n let her down. i'll buck up frm now. i promise. mayb, juz mayb, there is still a tiny ray of hope. *prays*

oh, an ee agreed to become e math rep le. haha. rmbr to collect mock promo papers frm photocopy shop yeah? cheerios.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

haiz... doing my 3rd draft of eom in 3 days. i regret dragging it in the past. stupid. now i'm so behind in promo preps n have to do tis coz it's for my As so can't play play sia. i really dun tink i can make it through. i hate myself for being soo lazy n lazy n lazy. =(

haha. i owe tons of hmwk man. especially econs essay n math tut! somemore i dunno wat happen in ao-math class today, jo 'sabo' me then now mrs quek msg say being new math rep muz go collect promo mock paper.. crap. muz clarify tomorrow ba. i hate responsibilities bigtime!! =(

oso dunno wat happen today, keep sleeping in cls. haha. can't help being bored ma. then keep daydreaming over all the trival stuff - typically me. there hv also been rumours circulating tt jeremy got pushed by jana yesterday after pe at canteen. he complained to a passing teacher n guess wat she said to jana? "please dun be so childish like jeremy." haha. ok tts so mean but it sounds comical. =P but it really takes two hands to clap so its no one person's fault. *(but since i dunno much n tis doesn't concren me, i shall juz buzz off - n yingjie, u shld too. hehe.) then he nv come to sch today - wonder if its bcoz of tt. an ee oso absent but he's always taking off-days anyway. hehe. but i really tink yuvan is giving himself too much stress. he's sick again! its not like him to miss sch so he muz b overworking for exams. oh dear, n i'm not even working at all. my priorities is all wrong n mixed-up. i'm so so so dead. i hate me.

Monday, September 19, 2005

nah, i just found tis pic in my com n i thought i looked acceptable. haha. but honestly, i'm so totally not photo-genic, i absolutely cannot look gd for nuts! but yeah, i look presentable at least (which is ultra rare) anyway, tis is a really old pic taken on my grandma's (the one in a red, flowery cheongsum) bdae. i rarely meet my cousons on tis side of the family - my dad. so i really miss them. ok, tis is so random but as said before, i look nice. (now, don't laugh or puke or do anything insulting!!) besides, really nothing much happened in sch today. just another plain old boring day. haha. i better get back to my hateful pw, eom. stupid!! =(

anti-clockwise from left: vicki, me, ah ma, brian, darian, derick, trixie, alisa, xiang rong, xiang le. (denise jie jie is missing as she's in aust studying..)

Friday, September 16, 2005

o, i forgot to mention abt renfeng (a.k.a felicia by day, teo renfield by night) 17th bdae today!
nothing much really happened, only tt she had presents (my fav!! - haha) n a mini party after econ tut. we had a mocha cake n sam bought red wine (ps. i didn't really like e bitter wine - earth didn't too) for her. well, wat can i say? he can b quite nice sometimes.

sam: hey, do u like the cake? do u wanna noe which nice person bought it?
rf: of course, i'm so grateful i wanna noe...
sam: well, he's smart...
rf: well, tt rules u out!
isa: rf, u rock!
same: *sulks*

sam: ...due to time constraint, we're goin to go straight to e best actress awards. e nominees r an ee for ... (i didn't it wat but an ee looked indignant), amelia for e tragedy of amelia n alvin (or something like tt) n teo renfeng for e temasek sec prod of "the journey".
rf: tis is lame. *blushes* (ps. she did look happy though)

naturally e bdae gal won n e award was a pience of paper wif her name as best best actress n all our wishes n regards behind. pretty imaginative if u ask me. =) with everyone drunk be it acting or literally, it was a nice end to sch. furthermore, chi extra lesson was canceled!! happy birthday renfeng. =D

i finally decided to b a better student in ao-math coz mrs quek look so poor thing trying so hard to get everyone's attention. she can't help being a less than on par teacher but she makes up for it by trying so hard n making us laugh at her ignorance. haha. so i finally printed out all e stuff she uploaded on ivle. *feeling proud* lol.

visited maz's blog n found tis whole collection of her fav love quotes. love is such an awesome thing. hehe. reminds me of tt lit lect on love poetry - i liked it v much. =) i tink didi is now performing wushu at tao nan. i love my little bro but he can be annoying at times. but he's sweet nonetheless.

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone,an hour to like someone, and an day to love someone...but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
-Unknown-

"To love is nothing. To be loved is something. To love and be loved is everything."
-Greek Proverb-

=)

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

fine, i noe my posts hv always been lengthy but i'm naggy my nature. i'll try to keep tis short though. need to hit e bks le. my promos r in 20 days n i'm no where near a probable pass. my life is such a total disaster! my v existence is pathetic. i wanna start. i really do. but somehow, the mind is willing but the body is weak. haha. i'm just e epitome of laziness n stupidity.

sch in sch today was as usual blahx. earth's absent again! i miss her. its so weird in sch w/o her although she seldom talks anyway. lessons were boring and i'm further behind everyone else than i tot. *prays for a miracle* pe today was aerobics. it looked fun but i dun tink i'll like it. haha. contradictory rite. but lucky me hv mc then can watch ppl make a fool of themselves. (oops.)

i muz really start mugging now or else i'm soo dead. haha. like there's even hope. nothing i can do now but hope i can just scrap through. at least it gives me an option of choice n not b totally eliminated frm tis ratrace for excellence. wats wrong with s'pore n its edu system? i lost my childhood n now, by prime yrs r just going to whiz me by. tis sucks. life sucks.

Friday, September 09, 2005

my stupid mp3 spoil AGAIN! i noe its wrong to critcize but i'm just soo angry.. my zen micro has been giving me problems right frm day 1 so one can't exactly expect my to grit my teeth n smile!

being a gd girl, i spent the whole day 1 reading the instruction manual on mommy's instructions (haha, i sound so guai - but i am alright!). just after sifting through pages n pages of words (boring..) i realized my zen micro's radio was faulty! n its not bcoz i nv take care of it - for goodness's sake, i just bought it! how badly could it hv suffered in my hands?? being a kiasu singaporean, a frantic me went down to the creative headquarters at jurong east (i stay in pasir ris - opp ends of the green-line mrt), waited for two whole hrs before they replaced my whole set. felling somewhat appeased, thinking tt the chances of me ending up with a second freak set was slimmer than slim, i went back hm to pasir ris. to my utmost horror, the earphones in the new set malfunctioned. if u ask how, it just makes static sounds w/o a slightest tweak of music!it irks me to think that a "made-in-s'pore" company hv no form of quality control... down i went all the way to the godamn far jurong east. but, i was smarter tis time round. was at its doorstep at 9am. 1st unhappy customer!changed my zzz-sounding earpiece within a min. had lunch with daddy then came all the way back. creative's mp3 claim hv sooo many functions but all so lousy de. microphone - unclear, organizer - so troublesome, muz upload stuff via com not at all user-friendly. they give you all the playlist thingy but its just gonna be under-utilized! (unless its just me..) =(

also, the whole white thing looks so plastic and toy-like it juz doesn't seem worth the $499 i paid for it! (yes, i bought it in its prime!) now the price is plummeting much to my dismay. for god's sake, every tom, dick n harry is carrying it le lah. no more unique or in any way exclusive! pardon me. i am just pissed. somemore, when u charge the machine, it juz keeps glowing on the floor of my bedroom. a nice blue that totally creeps you out as if staying on the ground floor with this big, scary tree casting a big, scary shadow into ur small, dark rm is not scary enough!

just when u tink it cannot get any worse, i lost my guarantee card! n my mom's now breathing down my neck for the possible payments she'll hv to make for my dear $499 "baby" to recover not considering the fact tt i'll lose all my songs plus all my inconvenience n emotional trauma i had to go through! stupid creative.

i am deeply sorry if i hv offended anyone. =(

Sunday, September 04, 2005

happy 17th bdae ying jie!! haha. i hope u liked the present i gave u - zebra toy... hmmm, i'm updating this way late but who cares? (well, at least i dun) anyway, today is not only her bdae but its also teacher's day celebration here at mj and it is held in collaboration with [the new paper's] "be yourself day 2005"!!

tis yr's theme is "tomorrow's hip n happening" n my wacky class decided to turn-up in red jumpsuits! cool rite? we even planned to come out of the toilet together so we create the 'bang'! haha. well, we did turn lots of heads since majority of the j1 meridians came in black - red a really big contrast! anyway, it was a day when we could all let our hair down n go crazy.

aces day dance in tt outfit was like shaking in an oven but u can't hv too much of a gd thing anyway. lol. when we walked around in grps, i felt noticed for the first time ever... gosh was it exhilerating. we were initially self-concious but as we grew accustomed to looking like astronauts/painters/parachuters/technicians/[most commonly] aircon servicemen, we soaked in the moment. posing for photographs, waving, shouting and practically pranced around the sch!

but gp had to spoil it all with a compo test. naturally, no one was in quite a mood to write (i prob flunk it) but sch is still sch, what can i say? ao-math was pretty ok. we were crapping as usual, soaking up our 'stardom' hehe. mrs quek was shocked to receive a rose frm me but its e least i cld do for her having to put up with my nonsense all this while. n i can't deny tt although her lects cld do with improvements, she's a nice person overall. posed for more pics, watched jo breakdance (abit lah) n earth nearly cracking her head trying to copy (ps. dancing muz b e only sport max-meridian earth can't handle!). yixin took tons of pics wif her lumix digicam *squirms with jealousy*

after tt, its cg party. we had chips n drinks n attempted to watch sch of rock amidst blaring music dedications which were so irritating renfeng n amelia had to use trash bags n empty crisp pkts to tape e whole speaker hoping to muffle its 'noise'. yes, of course we did remove those rubbish subsequently. i also learnt more abt our ct (ms jane sue) - tt she like taking photographs anyway. =P

after the party n more photos, we went to the hall for the concert. it was kinda cool. the dances especially. then earth aka pooney got to walk down e aisle as vice cg rep. she looked so blur. after the concert, we were free to leave. then someone suggested taking photos so we ended up in e middle of e parade sq with duct tape spelling "0 5 A 2 0 1 R O C K S M Y L I F E" 17 letters for 17 ppl according to register no. cute hor. then we had to do cheesy videos n take queer pics but it was fun. really.

lunchtime at tamp, century sq long john. it was e best cls activity i had ever had. =)

tis is getting v draggy but when i see my red jumper now folded, still with the letter A on its back at the bottom of my wardrobe there's tis feeling of nostalgia. if i cld relive tt day perhaps i would not be as reluctant as i was on e 29th.

yes, we didn't win the comp although i v well think we shld just as the rest of e cls n mayb alot of e sch did. how they actually gave e prize to e winning cls was unfair n a mistake in my opinion n how e judges actually graded was to their own discretion. but congrats anyway. signning off now. cheers.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

yeah! today, i finally went back to my alma mater - damai. it feels great to step into the sch as an ex-damaian. haha. yes, i'm not in the alumni but tt does not mean tt i'll wash my hands of tis wonderful place, my 2nd hm for 4 long yrs. haha. tis sounds totally cheesy but its true!

went back wif suting n xuan qi, my current sch mates too at 8.30am. we had intended to join them in singing the nat anthem n going aces day dance but we were too late. besides, for aces day , allo they had was a boring old walk. bahx. anyway, mj gave us a sch hol - another self-declared hol. but who's complaining? everyone else came back in their jc uni n we cld come back in damai pe! hehe. (i'm soo easily satisfied..) =P

saw many teachers n many ex-classmates but well, we didn't talk much. it then really struck me tt everyone has indeed moved on wif their lives. its sad but its reality. ting ting n i went to walk around the sch. nothing has changed much, the usual haunts like the sci block, 2nd floor female toilet still looked n smelled the same only wif toilet rolls now. =(

was john n gang but other then their exploding head of hair, they still looked n behaved like little kids which they still r. boys will always b boys... n johnathan, u have not grown any taller so dun b delusional. hehe. after tt, we waited for soo long for yang meh meh to come on the back of her bf's bike in her usual short skirt n skimpy top (ppl got figure mah so cannot complain) thenwent tm with kel, ronald, meng zi, ting n cher to hv lunch n play arcade.

went to ahma hse to accompanmy her for dinner after tt. dead tired.